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If you were to follow only 1 piece of relationship advice, make it this one!

By Marissa Ventura

Everyone needs to understand the importance of what I am about to share with you.  Whether you are single, in a new relationship or together with your honey for 50+ years, this is the most important advice anyone will ever give you.  Are you ready?  Well, before I give you my golden advice, I want to remind people on why couples get together, stay together and then get married.  It all comes down to this: Your partner fell in love with you and you fell in love with your partner!  Simple right?  Not so fast.  Then why do some couples fall out of love?  What makes people grow apart?  Sometimes, couples will start resenting one another and can't even stand to be in their partners presence.   To me, that is so sad.  What happened to the love?  I'll tell you what is my advice and please always remember it:

The things you did in the beginning to "woo" your partner, do throughout the entire relationship!

Please re-read that sentence again and let it marinate.  Ladies, remember how much you wanted to impress your man, and wanted him to want you?  So every weekend, you would find something sexy to wear for him, maybe making monthly trips to Victoria's Secret because you knew that's what he liked.  Remember how you would randomly rub his shoulders?  Or happily cook him a delicious dinner?  You complained and nagged very little, because you didn't want to scare him away!  Let's be honest here, you were also trying to get him to solidify the relationship, with the hopes of him proposing marriage right?  I thought so!  Guys, remember the romantic dinners that you surprised your lady with?  Or perhaps brought her random flowers?  What about the times that you complimented her for being pretty or even being the best girlfriend ever?  The type of behavior that "won" your partner MUST continue throughout the entire time that the 2 of you are together.  You must remember to continue to date your partner, whether you are married or not.  Ladies, continue, until the day you die, to be sweet & sexy.  Guys, you absolutely cannot forget to compliment your lady and treat her to romantic dinners, or whatever it was that the 2 of you did in the beginning, do now & forever.   Consistency is a strong key factor here, maintain it, and you win!

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The top 5 things that divorced men have in common

By Marissa Ventura

#1 They want to move on already. Chances are, the divorce process was very stressful and took place over a long period of time. They are done. They want peace. They are looking forward to a fresh start with someone new.

#2 They are looking for a woman that is “easy”. Ladies it's not what you think! The fact that he is divorced means that something went wrong in his marriage. He is now looking to meet a woman that is not going to be difficult. A divorced man does not want to get a divorce 2 times, though some do, so he will be extra careful on who his next serious lady will be. Will she be happy? Optimistic? Loving? Trustworthy? Sexy? Yes, she will be, because most likely his previous marriage was lacking at least one of the latter. So if you are falling for a man that has been divorced, don’t be difficult.

#3 They learned from their mistakes. It doesn't matter who filed for the divorce, himself or his ex-wife. A man will still feel as though he failed at his marriage. If he has intentions of marrying again, the good news is that he will have a good understanding of what went wrong in his previous marriage and be cautious not to journey down the same path.

#4 They will never tell you the entire truth. About the reason for the divorce, that is. Have you ever heard of that saying, “there are two sides to every story, and then there’s the truth”? This is correct. You may inquire about his divorce and use it to your own discretion, but do not take what he is saying as the 100% truth. I am not implying that divorced men lie, not at all, but he might not be so quick to tell you his faults in relations to the crumbling of his marriage, due to embarrassment or denial. The same situation can be applied to divorced women as well. A good man will never speak of his ex-wife in any negative or mean content. Remember that.

#5 If he had children with his ex-wife, then a good man will continue on with his parental duties as an active father and a loving dad. Do not interfere with this. I repeat. Do not interfere with this. A good father will never let a woman come between him and his children. He has no time for a woman that will be jealous of time spent at birthday parties, holidays etc. In his eyes, you are not #1, his children are. If you can’t accept that, then he is not for you.

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My habits for a happy & healthy marriage

By Marissa Ventura

I’ve been with my husband for over a decade and we still manage to give one another butterflies every now & then. This kind of love does exist in this modern, technology-driven, crazy world that we live in. I want to share with you my habits to an amazing love life. Whether you are currently in a relationship, or seeking one, which if you are seeking one, then contact me right away, I want you to understand what it takes to be an amazing partner. These examples are from my personal experiences.

1. We both put our marriage first, period. We acknowledge and respect the sacrament of marriage and in no way, will compromise that.

2. We never go to bed angry. We’ve learned that to value a mature relationship is to be mature on all levels. We are a couple, we argue, that’s natural. But we know when to end an argument. We admit when we are wrong and move forward. No grudges.

3. We share a similar lifestyle. We both eat healthy, workout and make it a top priority to do so. It keeps the energy level high, makes us feel good on the inside and keeps the sexiness alive!

4. Kindness. 7 days a week. This is simple. We are kind to one another.

5. Compliments & Sweet Gestures. This should never go away in a relationship, no matter if you are with someone for 5 minutes or 50 years. We are always complimenting one another and doing “the little things”, specifically, leaving little notes of sweet words in random places.

6. I have my Ladies Night out and he has his Guys Night out. We never question each other when we decide that one of us wants to meet up with some friends. Sometimes women need to get together and talk about “women stuff.” And guys need to get together to chat about “manly stuff.” It’s so important.

7. Sex is a priority. Sure, with work, kids and the stresses of life, sometimes you just want to go straight to bed at the end of the day because you are exhausted. Great, but this can’t happen every single night. Husband & Wife “Sexy Time” is super important to us.

8. Alone time is healthy. I know that my husband likes some time to himself after a long, hard day at work. I respect this. He also knows that sometimes I just want to spend a day shopping all by myself. I know, typical woman, but hey, it relaxes me!

9. We never take each other for granted. We’ve both been through so much in life and realize that our time here is temporary. Life is truly precious. We cherish every day that we are together, as tomorrow is not promised.

10. We know our roles in our marriage and don’t complain about them. I cook, clean and let my husband lead, feminists please don't come after me,  while my husband repairs my car, takes out the trash, opens my doors and treats me to every date night . Traditional roles work for us. I am not looking to compete with him in any way.

Put down the technology!

By Marissa Ventura

Opportunities are knocking at your door, but you’re not answering it.

A beautiful woman sends a smile your way, but you miss it. A guy intriguingly checks you out, but again, you miss it. An elderly woman needs help opening a door, but you don’t see her. A vicious animal is running toward you and about to chomp at your leg, but you don’t see it coming. Ok, chances are that last example won’t happen….or can it?

Starbucks, a place where java-loving addicts come to get their coffee fix, also one of my favorite places to people watch. The barista’s behind the counter are not the only ones who are very busy. Have you ever taken a glance at the folks in line? Everyone seems to be looking down on their technology.

Going out to eat is one of America’s favorite things to do. Sure, people are eating, but are they really enjoying the company of those at their table? When their technology is on the table and they continue to glance at it every couple minutes or so, how can they be fully engaged. Isn’t the person you are with important to you?

It’s interesting. Every time I leave to the house to go somewhere, I make a mental note not to be on my technology, to be present and fully aware of my surroundings. Do you know how many amazing people I have met because of this?! Including a celebrity, that was incognito, but I took notice of it. (It was a pretty cool experience!)

This is a small world. You never know who you are going to meet. You never know ‘who knows who’. Perhaps amazing opportunities will happen for you. Maybe you will meet a romantic partner, score a job opportunity or make someone’s day just by asking “Hi. How are you?”

Be more present. Make it your new addiction. Watch what happens!

Romance at the office. A Do or a Don't? I say both....allow me to explain

By Marissa Ventura

The majority of us who work a full-time job will be at their workplace for 40+ hours a week. Chances are, there are certain levels of stress, pressure, deadlines, crazy multitasking, financial goals & endless meetings taking place. So just when you had enough, along comes in the new HOT employee of the company. You are instantly attracted to this person. Suddenly it’s getting warm in your office. Immediately you feel energized, alive and check yourself out in the mirror to make sure that you look presentable. So, do you act out on asking him or her out? Do you wait with the hopes that they will ask you out? Do you ignore these feelings of yours and continue to fantasize in your mind? Let me help you make this decision.

When not to date: When the hottie employee is hired, keep your hands off for the first couple of months. It’s way too soon to explore your “physical feelings.” It is very important to build a professional relationship first. While building a professional relationship with this person, you will discover his or her loyalty, work ethic, daily habits, social behavior and flaws. The “feelings” that you had in the beginning can now be completely different, whether for the better or worse, but at least you gave it time to discover these feelings. If you decide to make a move after a few months, be sure to keep it outside of the office. And remember, you are at work 40+ hours a week with this potential partner. Keep in mind that if things go wrong, you must be able to shake it off and continue on as if absolutely nothing happened, and that can be quite challenging, especially for women. Your work environment needs to stay professional at all times.

When to make a move: Above, I mention waiting a few months to get to know one another, and not just acting out upon sexual desires. After a few months, if there has been some back & forth flirting, a few dates and a sense of knowing that this person is coming from a mature, sincere place, then go for it! We are all adults here, and I, for one, know through experience, that you can find love anywhere. Yes, even in the workplace. Be sure to tread carefully and be mature about it.

NJ/NYC Certified Matchmaker catering to the professional & sophisticated individuals seeking an extraordianry relationship

Is your attitude keeping men away?

By Marissa Ventura

Your friends tell you that they thought you were a complete snob until they got to know you. They also joke with you, sometimes, that you are such a be-otch! People don’t easily open up to you and you only smile when you hear a really funny joke, but it has to be really, really funny. Whenever you go out, you can’t understand why men never hit on you. You blame them. But not so fast lady! Your attitude, whether you think you have one or not, is sending men far away from you. Why the attitude? Time to drop this bad habit and start meeting men!

I hope that I have you thinking a bit deeper on the subject at this point. If it sounds familiar, then make a change as soon as you are finished reading this. There are men out there, good men, looking for great women like you. But you have to be approachable. I speak to single men on a daily basis and what they tell me is that there are a ton of beautiful women out there, but only a small handful of them would they feel comfortable approaching. The reason is quite simple: you do not look approachable. Sure you may have your best dress on, the tallest high heels, a fabulous blow-out and flawless make-up, but if you don’t look friendly, a man doesn’t want to waste his time trying to “break down your walls.”

So here is what you need to do. When you are out, simply smile more. Men are attracted to happy women that exude good energy, it’s what they are drawn to. In their mind, they believe that they may have a shot with you. Do you think that you can make that small change? Of course you can. Start tonight!

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When I first discovered the power of true love.....

By Marissa Ventura

I had a life changing experience, in which I had witnessed the most simple and purest form of Love. My wonderful parents had been together since high school, happily married for 33 years, with 2 daughters (my sister & I) and still going strong. We had the perfect family. Until the day came that I had always feared. The day my beautiful mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. 2 months after her diagnosis, the Lord called her home.

In that 2 months, my sister, my father and I had no other choice but to be strong. Watching our loved one become consumed by this monster called cancer, showed us a side of life that we had never seen before. We knew that time was precious. My dad never left the hospital. My sister and I were taking shifts to be with my dad, who was ALWAYS with my mom. He could care less about visiting hours, he made up his own visiting hours and it would take a whole army to drag him away from my mom. He never showed her that he was afraid, with the hopes it would keep her strong. My dad made sure my mom was taken care of by making her laugh, rubbing her feet, reminiscing, ordering or making whatever food she wanted. He made her feel good in a crucial moment in time. He made her feel good until the very end. When the day came that my mom became an angel, we were by her side, until her last breath. Holding and hugging one another, we cried asking "WHY?" Why does this have to happen to such a strong, loving family.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because in those 2 months I had witnessed my dad slowly lose the love of his life. The woman that he had loved his entire life was taken away from him. I realized then, how powerful love really is.

For me, it is more than Matchmaking. I want to help people understand the power of Love and that everyone is capable of having an amazing relationship if they let love in. I will help you. Now I hope you understand why this is more than just my career. It is my passion. My calling.

Now that you know a little bit about me, I would love to hear about you! We all have a story to tell and I want to hear your story. The up's and down's that life throws at us is unpredictable. But wouldn't it be great to go through those up's and down's with a partner by your side who will be there until the end. Just like my dad."

NJ/NYC Certified Matchmaker catering to the professional & sophisticated individuals seeking an extraordianry relationship

Dating online? Top 2 important factors that you're doing wrong

By Marissa Ventura

1. Your profile picture is completely off. Sorry everyone, but the truth must be told. Your photo’s are everything! People will judge you and decide if they are open to meeting you within 10 seconds. Sounds harsh right? Your photo MUST be on point. Bonus points if it is done professionally, which I highly recommend. But if you took the photo yourself, here are a few things that you need to know. Are you photo’s:

Too sexy. If everything else in your profile is off, the photo should not be. This is what drives your audience in and sparks a potential interest. Are you too sexy? Ok, you may get a ton of emails, but for what reason? Showing too much butt, boobs, abs, thighs etc…will only get people that are interested in 1 thing, sex. Leading with sex is fine, as long as you’re not looking for a long term relationship. And by the way, it’s getting really old!

On the other hand, too conservative. I had a woman hire me to rewrite her dating profile. She was a beautiful woman. Her biggest complaint was that she never received any emails, ever! I couldn’t understand this, until I saw her main profile picture. A business suit! Really? That’s a big no-no, save that for the office.

Not smiling. Why? A smile is the best accessory that you can wear. It’s inviting and instantly makes someone more attractive. This must be in your photo.

Trying too hard. A forced smile, too much make-up, in front of your sports car, a selfie at the gym or that famous “kissy face”, are all driving the wrong visitors to your profile. It will also show the true colors of your maturity level. Perception of one another is important to remember. The perception that you give is what you will attract.

2. The content. After a person finds your photo visually pleasing, they will now make their way to the content of your profile. Here are some things that are hurting your chances of meeting your match:

You babble on about yourself for so long! Some people will just type, and type and type….etc. until they’ve put every little detail about themselves in the profile. YAWN, so boring! The key is, less is more.

Way too little content. Short, blunt 1 or 2 word answers tell your readers a few things. You are boring, have no patience to fill out the questions or you are really not interested in the process. Major turn-off!

Negativity. Believe it or not, I see this A LOT! Many people feel the need to list the attributes of what they are not looking for. To the reader, this comes across as bitter and negative. We all don’t want to date a dishonest person, a cheater, a narcissist, an alcoholic etc., so there is no point in making this known. Again, let’s go back to perception. You will be perceived as someone who has dated all of the latter and has a guard up. Chances are, you will take the history of your ex’s, and possibly use it against your next partner. Leave the past in the past and always start fresh with a clean slate.

Need more tips? Need an online dating profile makeover? If you have been online now for at least 6 months and you are not meeting people, something is wrong. Contact us today and get dating!

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NJ/NYC Certified Matchmaker catering to the professional & sophisticated individuals seeking an extraordianry relationship

"Why does there seem to be so many singles?"

By Marissa Ventura

This interesting question came up in one of my networking groups. And many agreed, why does there seem to be so many singles today? Today, everyone seems accessible, as there are tons of networking/singles groups, dating online, social media platforms and people are taking better care of themselves more than ever, making individuals much more attractive, so what gives? Well, I will narrow it down and share with you, as to what I see, from my experience.

#1. We are living in a society of wanting things fast and wanting it now. Where does this leave room for building a beautiful relationship? It is imperative to build a foundation which leads to something great, but that has been lost, falling into the category of impatience.

#2. Careers ahead of family/marriage. Women have really done an amazing job in their careers, climbing up the ladder, making it to the top and being successful, but wanting to start a family and getting married is being put on the backburner.

#3. Gender role reversal. Men used to love the chase, as they value what they have to work for. And women loved to be the one that the man has "caught", as it showed she is worth pursuing. Now, more women are chasing men and men don't have that much chasing to do. But men still like a challenge. So now what?

#4. Physical appearance has become more important than character. So sad, but we live in an age where we now photoshop pictures to make ourselves look perfect, but there is no such thing. No one is perfect. I find that people will dismiss someone so quickly and unfairly, for the simple reason of "not being everything that they envisioned physically." Yes, there has to be some form of attraction, but what people don't realize is that, sometimes chemistry can be created outside of physicality. A mental chemistry with someone is so sexy!

#5. Good old social media has become somewhat of a mediator of "friendships." Your 3,000 friends on Facebook or Instagram are not REAL FREINDS. Sadly, today, many do not know how to grow, keep and cherish something real, which leads to not understanding how romantic relationships work. The outcome, either one-night stands or very short-lived connections.

#6. Afraid of divorcing again. There are a number of people who got married too young and ended up divorcing. Typically, these people would prefer not to divorce again, so the 2nd time around, when looking for a partner, they will be much more choosier and will take it much, much slower.

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How to connect with someone. And what does that mean anyway?

By Marissa Ventura

We hear people say this all of the time.

“Well, I didn’t really connect with him, so I never called him back.” Or, “I felt a deep connection with Olivia and look forward to doing business with her.”

What does that mean to “connect” with someone? I want to break it down as short and sweet as possible, so that you have an understanding on what it means to connect with someone. Whether you are single and dating or attending networking events, it is imperative to understand the art of connecting with people. Besides, it’s pretty easy. Let me help you through this.

For starters, having a connection with someone means that you are happily engaged in a conversation, without feeling awkward and uncomfortable. You enjoy their company and look forward to seeing them again. You won’t feel this way with everyone, only those you connect with.

So how exactly do you connect with people?

1. Always look approachable. Always be aware of your posture. Have you ever seen someone with exceptional posture? Confidence exudes from them and you want to know who they are. This can work for you too.

2. Make eye contact, it’s engaging. I am always blown away on how difficult people find this. I am not suggesting staring someone down while speaking to them, that’s incredibly creepy, but in order to connect with someone, there needs to be eye contact. This is essential. If you feel as though you need help in this area, practice with friends and relatives.

3. Seem genuinely interested. Always. Try to really listen to what people are saying without looking bored or annoyed. How do you do that? Don’t look at your watch, your phone or look around the room for “better people to talk to” while they are in the middle of a story.

4. Smile. I don’t need to expand on this. It’s obvious that those who smile more, attract more people. Simple.

5. Have open body language. When speaking with people, never have your arms crossed or your body turned/tilted in another direction. This shows that you are completely uninterested. Be aware of this.

6. Ask questions. This will show people that you are interested in learning more about them. People love nothing more than to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

7. Don’t interrupt. This drives me nuts! Let someone finish a sentence before voicing your thoughts. With this, be sure not to say “Right” a hundred times while someone is in the middle of speaking. Some will do this just by habit. Pay attention and try not to do that.

8. Don’t dominate the conversation. No one, and I repeat no one, wants to hear someone go on and on and on talking about themselves. Conversations should be like a volleyball match, where you have the ball, then I have the ball etc. The same can be applied with words, you say what you need to say, then I say what I need to say etc., all within a respectable time frame.